My husband and I have a well developed, mature, completely loving relationship.
We've had our ups and downs....
our disagreements...
our heart breaks...
and forgivenesses.
This year we celebrated number 10, and decided we are one of those 'sickening' couples that really likes eachother even loves eachother PUBLICALLY. We call eachother 4 or more times a day and say 'I love you' on the phone no matter who can overhear, we are touchy-feely, we flirt with eachother, we play with eachother's hair, .... basically we mutually love all over eachother.
Everytime we are apart, we both ache and miss eachother so we do our best to stay connected, phoning and emailing. ( mostly he phones me :)
Over the years my husband has worked night shifts, ( I HATED those, cried every time) and has gone away for various training seminars. (I've had WAY fewer trips or overnighters, so he hasn't experienced being home alone very often.) And they were always painful for both of us, me probably more than him, but him more than the average guy. Except for this time. He left today for a two day seminar and he didn't seem to care that he was going away. I mean he appeared sad, but didn't have his usual "ache" about him, he almost seemed (dare I say) happy to go. So I'm curious.... what has changed? Most people would say that people need to take breaks from eachother, especially married people, but neither one of us has done that before , why now? If this were one of my friends I would be quietly wondering about infidelity, and believe me it's already crossed my mind, but I think that is too easy to jump to. What if it's something deeper? It's so out of the blue.....
Anyways, it could be nothing, maybe I'm just tired and sad and missing him...... but I just keep playing the last hour he was home , even the whole day, and all the conversations over and over in my mind, and something doesn't sit well.
I don't know what to do........
Everything has it's season, I suppose we've moved or are moving into a new one....
1 comment:
Being emotional about things takes energy. Sometimes energy levels run low. Sometimes depression is involved.
Listlessness is a foul thing. It reduces human interactions - once definite, charged, exciting, quasidangerous and clear - to ambiguous foggy grey boring soup.
It's important, while in the soup, to dig for words that describe precisely how one is feeling. Words are the way out. Words bring definition when emotions are ambiguous. Words clarify decisions, positions, thoughts, reactions to actions, etc.
You two have been through a lot. I respect you for hanging in and keeping the love alive. Keep going. I am praying for you. And I miss you and am going to call you.
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